All on the Table

I should have left it all on the table this spring.  I had no say in the matter; the way it rolled out.  This is all so weird.  I don't know how people do it.  What are they focusing on or seeing that I am not?  Well, that's a stupid question, really.

I think it is all a product of my own doing.  It just irks me that I was so fucking stupid.  That compounds it all.  What is the term for people that don't realize how much they don't know?  There should be a photo of my visage next to that word before or after the written definition; with my finger up a nostril.

The crappy thing is, I thought I was taking more in.  I thought I was gaining perspective.  I checked off bucket list items; real bucket list items that were there since high school - things I never dreamed I'd see or do.  I was seeing things from many places and so many points of view, I thought it changed me for the better.  I thought it did.  But it's all just fucked.  It makes no difference.  Nobody gives a shit.  Literally nobody.  Zero.

What a fucking loser.

I know where the switch is.  Somanambatch.