The Wonder

As usual, I am up and down.

And down.

What do I know?

It was one of those days and for no apparent reason at all.  I think a student said or did something two thirds of the way through the day that just sent me into a funk.  I no longer speak understandable English to anyone I don't know; and many I do.  Colleagues even seem to roll their eyes when I talk.

I see today's memes and shirts that mention being around people that don't value you or alerting the reader to the fact that it might just be that you're surrounded by cunts - I don't know.  I don't know if I am; or if I am indeed one of the cunts in their space.  All the more likely?

I know that I no longer fit, and I am pretty sure I played this all wrong from the get-go - like, literally from the very beginning.  Had I enough cash, I would disappear.  Maybe that's what everyone wants.  Maybe I haven't been listening.  I try to.  I try to extend grace to students that I felt had a difficult last couple years and in that extension, I feel like I get shit on.  I know it's not personal.  I don't take it personally, because I know they'd do it if it were Randolph Scott, Mary Tyler Moore, or Miley Cyrus...it's just the way.  If you're in the way of whatever it is (the great nothing) that is occupying their mind, then they want nothing of it.  

Billy Connolly would explain it as, "Off you will fuck."  "Fuck off."  The most universal utterance ever.  Well, I want to fuck off, but I don't know how or where.

Some day.

At least I can reminisce through photos. 

I once was.